Wednesday, July 02, 2003

Life Is What Happens when your Making Plans

How the above little ditty is so true. Said by Mr lennon I do believe, Well that's what they said on Emmerdale tonite ;

Before I ramble a few waves... A big snog goes to Mr P.. I will do mail over the next few days Hun :).. Hope you and the family are well. And A big Hi (Plus snog if he so wishes) to Harry we had a nice natter the other night and its always a pleasure to share net time with him.

To my rambles......... I'm feeling a little strange today :/.. mainly cos my parents have been , I don't get to see them much these days due to work/my gibberingness and life in general and it always throws me off balance a little to have them in the house. So its been... stomach churning and general Miss anxiety sadly :(.. But I look on the positive side... When I get these set backs it just reminds me just how far I have come and how well I am doing :).. Big pat on the back for me :)
I can honestly say despite a few issues that are in the background, I am more at peace with myself/who I am and what I am than I have ever been in my life :) Anxiety for me has been a life changer. I never take a trip to the shops or a night out.. or even just getting out of the house in general for granted. I try also never to take the love and support from the people around me for granted either. Its been a long road and I still have far to travel but that's what life's about aint it? Learning from the bad bits and making the most from the good bits.

Speaking of bad bits :(.. My best mate had a bad heart attack about 6 months ago at the ripe old age of 35 :(.. well sadly her overall health has taken a downward spiral and she's spent more time in the hospital over the past few months than anywhere else.. She is the nearest thing I have ever had to a sister, one of the few people I can really let myself be myself with.. let *the Bradford Lass * out and have a bloody good laugh :) I love the bones of her and with her long term future unsure I am finding it hard to take in. How do you get your head around such things?.. I know I have been through it before, but I feel with all the shit I have endured over the past years I'm just no longer strong enough to deal with it. The last 2 of my grandparents died over the past few years and I was so upset by the whole thing I was unable to attend either funeral :(.. It just sent my anxiety spiraling out of control.. My brain is numb with the very prospect :/

Other than that.. things are great :).. lol
Hope your all OK x x x

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