Just a quickie :)

Merry Christmas and a happy new year!!

What every girl needs these cold wintry days!! **DELUXE MUFF WARMER WITH A DIFFERENCE**

Freudian Inventory Results

Oral (53%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence knowing when to accept help and when to do things on your own. Anal (73%) you appear to be overly self controlled, organized, and possibly subservient to authority, this effectively narrows your exposure to a wider set of options and ideas lowering the odds that you will make the best decisions in life. Phallic (46%) you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure. Latency (46%) you appear to have a good balance of abstract knowledge seeking and practicality, dealing with real world responsibilities while still cultivating your abstract and creative faculties and interests. Genital (40%) you appear to be somewhere between a progressive/openminded and regressive/closeminded outlook on life.

Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW

You just have to see this Panda Cam Its Panda Cam at The San Diego Zoo... after watching mum play with her cub for about 5 mins I was hooked :P They also have Elephant/Ape etc.
Other good Cams are Waterhole The waterhole at Kruger national Park .
Or if its people watching your after.. then why not try Tower cam the Eiffel Tower cam.. :)

It never rains.. its just bloody pisses it down!! :(

Well what can I say other than AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
To say its been a rough few months would be the understatement of the decade, hence the lack of posts ? You know how it is.. you think your on the floor and you can’t get any lower. then WHAM!! Fate comes and gives you a bloody good kicking in the ribs to make sure you’ll stay down a while. But.. as ever… you get through it …round it ..Over it… until you make it to the other side ? a little wiser for the experience and hopefully not too scared by the whole process.
I did sit down and write a good page about a month ago.. in the midst of this stuff.. but blogger did its usual trick of eating it rather than publishing it ..ROFL .. So I sat there.. Red faced and decided for the sake of sanity to walk away ..lol
So whats been going on.. errrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmm .. well my beloved daughter had a not so good go at slashing her wrists on the eve of her 18th birthday.. that was back in August. All over her bloody boyfriend.. gggggggrrrrrrrrr.. kids.. you just can’t tell em anything. Gad to report that she is now OK.. feeling positive, has a new job… but sadly still with the same boyfriend **BANGS HEAD AGAINST BRICK WALL**

I had a brush with a mad nurse and a lolly stick ? that turned out to be *In need of further investigation* So after waiting 2 months for the first test results I had to go back to be attacked yet again by afore mentioned mad nurse with ..yes you guessed it.. another even sharper lolly stick!! (Sorry guys.. it’s a woman thing) and after waiting another 6 weeks of torture they finally sent me the results saying “I’m just fine” and “sorry it was a bit of a mix up”!!.. Thanks guys.. just what I needed while I was having a nervous breakdown.. something real to worry about.. ROFL So that’s now all sorted thank goodness.
Husband did his plumbing course.. and enjoyed it. We have been self employed for some 5 years now, but mainly working for one guy with the pigs. This so called friend of Robs didn’t like the idea he was trying to better himself, so gave poor Rob only weeks to get the business up and running before he put him out of work.. The Bastard!!.. I mean really.. he knows full well he has a mortgage 2 kids and a nervous wreck for a wife. So its been panic stations trying to get things up and running.. Poor rob has also nearly had a nervous breakdown trying to sort it all and come to terms with it. So I’ve been worrying about him, worrying about money.. worrying about my daughter.. Oh yes and my son started high school.. so I’ve been worrying about him too. I hated school so much that having to send my kids into that situation has been a real problem for me. Having seen my daughter struggle so much with it all.. the thought of William having to go through the same.. just fills me with total dread. But its all part of life I guess. They have to find their own ways through things, with a little help and lots of support from parents ?

Other than a few other background stuff that’s a bit personal and I don’t want to bring other people into it, that’s been about it..ROFL.. lots of worrying… Hey.. no change there then. But on the positive side my weight is almost back to normal.. the anxiety is under control.. **well most of the time** and other than this never ending cold/sinus infection..lol I feel OK

Off to bed me thinks.. for another night of **Insomnia**.. and sadly that’s not a new sexual position I discovered on the net ?.. Nite nite x x

Spooky :/

Your Birthdate: March 29

You have the mind of an artist, even if you haven't developed the talent yet.Expressive and aware, you enjoy finding new ways to share your feelings.You often feel like you don't fit in - especially in traditional environments.You have big dreams. The problem is putting those dreams into action. Your strength: Your vivid imagination Your weakness: Fear of failure Your power color: Coral Your power symbol: Oval Your power month: November

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Putting your money where your mouth is!!

I have been contacted by many organizations over the years of doing this blog. For some reason they think that I would be happy to endorse a product that I have never used... more fool them is what I say. As they find to their cost when they get the sharp end of my tongue..lol But I was contacted by an organization who where so confident in their product that they were happy to send me a copy FOC from America.. also and more strangely..they wanted me to do a review of it with no hidden agenda!!.. ROFL. are these people mad I ask myself.. Lets face it.. I'm not known for being sympathetic to people who try to make a fast buck on the back of other peoples suffering. But he seemed so confident in this product he was prepared to put his money where his mouth was and risk me slagging it off for the whole world to see. Mad fool!
So I'm now the proud Owner of Vanquish Anxiety & fear in 24Hours
Presentation gets a good 10 out of 10. Not fussy and well organized.. easy for the bored housewife to understand..lol and that has to be plus!
The pack consists of 3 CD'S and a work book for you to chart your progress in.
Ok so I haven't had time to really get stuck into it as yet. But I have had a good look through the workbook that outlines the process contained on the 3cds. I was surprised to see the quality of the content. Having done CBT and a lot of research into GAD I'm aware of what works and what is helpful to people who suffer from anxiety conditions. This course seems to cover the lot !!.. plus extras ...thus attacking the condition from many different directions. This can only be a good thing as what will work for some people may not be so effective for others.
I guess it couldn't have come at a better time in my life either..lol when I'm in an anxious gibbering wreck frame of mind! So my friends.. to the future. I'm going to give this a real good go and see what sort of results I get from it. I must say though.. looking at myself as a rather large guinea pig did make me giggle a bit.. well they do say that owners often grow to look like their pets.

Watch this space!!

Its official .. I'm bonkers!! :)

But do I care... no.. not a jot my friends!!.. cos at the ripe old age of 36 I finally have a diagnosis of my problem!!.. Hey Men to that!! So its official, I'm suffering from a condition called GAD General Anxiety Disorder. I can't tell you what huge relief it is to put a name to all my problems that have plagued me most of my life. So I'm not bonkers.. Its a recognized condition, that sadly millions of people worldwide suffer from too. Caused by an imbalance of certain chemicals in the brain , also a lot of other stuff that I won't go into on here :)
Why the sudden change and run to the docs? well I have been really struggling with stress for the past 8 months and it finally got the better of me 3 weeks ago. The stress turned into anxiety overnight which in turn turned into nervous exhaustion/Burnout and left me in a bit of a state I can tell you. Lots of sobbing and feeling sorry for myself, and kicking myself cos I had let myself fall back so far. But the truth is it was probably the best thing that could have happened, cos now I have to really face it for what it is. Plus now I know what I'm dealing with. The stressed out feeling that I always had is actually part of the condition.. go figure..lol I was under the deluded impression it was the stress that set of the anxiety. But no.. Its all part of the same thing.. it just depends on which chemicals are low .. as to which symptom you will get. Also what situation is causing the problem too. Its all very complicated..lol
So I find myself here.. after tests I ruled out a lot of things that I thought were issues, so I can rest easy on that score. Also If I do struggle there are good meds that are specific to this condition that are really helpful too.
I'm on the mend again and the nervous exhaustion is slowly getting better. I can't tell you how bad it was to feel so drained you couldn't even face getting out of bed in the morning, and the depression that kicks in too. Its all pretty crap really. But we live to fight another day.
I'm back to reading lots of self help books..ROFL.. Sad I know.. but it really helps focus my battered brain and gives me focus to fight it on a day to day basis. Also new to the regime is the lovely Paul McKenna..:P.. well not him in person you understand.. thought it would be great to have a bit on the side that could make you feel great about everything whenever it suited..lol I'm listening to some of his self help CD'S.. and I have to say the Hypnosis part of the CD's is better than alcohol..lol
I listen to it before I go to sleep, and can honestly say I nearly always nod off before the end..lol While all that positive stuff gets downloaded into my battered and beaten brain. I have noticed a difference in my sleep and also my overall stress/anxiety level from using it.. so thumbs up for Paul.. I'm hooked!!

Enough of my rubbish. My lovely daughter has finally split up with the long suffering Danny. It was all very traumatic for all concerned. Me included!! I had visions of walking into her room and finding her dead she got so down over it all. No bloody wonder I suffer from GAD..lol but she's on the mend finally and turn 18 next week on the 10th. My god where has the time gone?
Why does everything blow up at once?..lol MY microwave went bang last week.. well it was 15 years old..lol.. Ordered a new one.. it came.. I plugged it in.... great all seem fine.. Came downstairs an hour later to the micro spinning and buzzing.. looked inside and it was empty !!..lol The bloody thing had switched its self on!! nothing on the timer at all. Just turns its self on..Spooky!!.. So it was supposed to be replaced.. well for normal people it would be... but for me no.. somehow the order for collection/replacement is stuck in the system and they cant issue another till it clears!!.. Really I ask you?.. oh and the switch/router on my network blew today too.. leaving 2 rather pissed off kids with no net access till the end of next week!!..ROFL.. I shouldn't be laughing. Cos its a stress I can do without at the moment. Oh well life goes on I guess. Off to try and eat something!!

Much love to you all x x

Stress... GGGGGGGRRRRRRRR

Sorry not been around but life's been a bit up and down of late. And sadly that's not in a good sexy way either :P Kind of crazy really when I read back to the Christmas post and how well I was feeling :/ But I guess that's the joy of living life as a gibbering wreck. Up one day.. down the next. One of my major faults is I always want a reason to explain the way I'm feeling, and If I can't find a logical one then I tend to beat myself up and give myself a really hard time about failing. Which is bloody stupid really cos we all have bad days so I should allow myself them too.
After feeling so well for what had to be a good 18 months then suddenly back to questioning everything and being tough on myself when I have a lapse .. Its been hard to take and has led to a few periods of serious self pity..LOL Some people would call it depression.. but to me if it only lasts a few days or maybe a week its just self pity. So I kick myself up what is now a very skinny arse..lol and crack on with life.. facing each day as it comes and trying to find the positive things to make me smile :) there's lots if you pull your head out of your arse long enough to see the day light!!
Other than my stress problem.. cos that's what it is really. Its the thing that started of my anxiety attacks. I just couldn't cope with feeling so stressed all the time so I got down about it then I got anxious about the stress and being down and before I knew it it have taken over everything. A crazy situation when I look back, but with no one to talk to and 2 small children to take care of things can quickly spiral out of control. Shit I've gone of track again.. Its the bloody self pity sneaking in again..lol someone slap me quick!. As I was saying.. other that the stress problem that is kinda winning the battle at the moment things are good.
My daughter is working and coping well. though she was sent home today after fainting twice..lol the heat has been pretty shit these past few days so I'm not surprised. My son is dong his last week and a bit at his middle school before he goes up to seniors in September. That will be a huge weight of my mind as he won't have to do the 15 min walk to school. That's a worry cos of roads he has to cross ect. The upper school is just 5 mins walk from the house so that will be great for him! Plus he can come home for lunch too if he wants to get away from the place.. even better. Just hoping he settles OK and we don't have the bullying problems we had with my daughter.
Hubby is in the middle of a plumbing course. I think he's having a mid life crisis and fancies a career change :) But you can't blame him as the pig work is hard and he's not getting any younger.. 47 this year!!..lol the old fart. He's loving it and can't get over how little work it is for the money. Lets face it from £15 to £30 an hour is a bit of a raise!..lol Its great to see him enjoying it. I hope it takes off for him.

Well that enough prattling from me. I think I need to do this more and treat it like therapy or something..lol

Nite chucks sleep well x

Project :)

Just a quickie..till I get time to come back and do some updating, even time for a new Blogger header me thinks :).. What wonderful thing can I come up with to give you all nightmares..lol
My New project people Give it a peek and tell me what you think :)

Hell.. Can't wait :P

You have been involved in a shameful online RPG,
and your soul will never be clean. You've
soiled the memory of a dead author and
neglected yourself and other human beings for
months at a time; there is no way to make up
for this. The Lord has turned His eyes from you
forever!

Keep back, you utter trash!


Why Will You Go To Hell?
brought to you by Quizilla


Moi?...Littleme?.. well I guess I'm such a scary person its all I deserve..LOL

TROLLED :(

ROFL.. what did I tell you.. look in my shout box to the right..:/
there's always one who just can't resist..lol
Well I say this to you.. MAX .. The fact that you stayed long enough to get the impression that I'm scary speaks volumes :) Come on Max.. come and join the *SCARY/Mad Folk*.. you know you want to really!!.. no point hiding your light under a bushel any longer.. come out of the closet and be proud to be **Scary** I know I am!! :)

Blessed :)

I consider myself to be very blessed. :).. I have a loving family that are always there for me. Great friends, some that have been around from when I was a child. 2 Great kids that drive me bonkers and keep me on my toes. ;) And what can only be classed as an easy life by most peoples standards. But every so often in ones life you come across a person who *rocks your world*.. its the only way I can describe it really. I have mentioned this person a few times in the past months, but not wanting to put a curse on the friendship, I have kept my feelings under wraps. But now I feel is a good time to come out of the closet so to speak ;)
So.... to the so called friend who said " I give it 6 weeks, he only wants you for sex" I say this.... "please don't judge others by your own standards!!" Ok maybe you were just worried for me.. but the thought that you felt I didnt know the difference between a genuine person and someone on the take really hurt me! 6 months into this friendship I feel I have someone in my life that has made a huge difference to who I am. His kindness, understanding/love/friendship has taken my breath away at times and left me wondering 'what wonderfull thing did i do in life to deserve you to come into it' So Mr Robinson..:) I dedicate this lovely song to you.. and its sent with all my heart and a huge thankyou for just being you!! Who ever becomes Mrs Robinson is going to be one very lucky lady indeed!

I knew I loved you

Savage Garden

Maybe it’s intuition
But some things you just don’t question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I’ve found my best friends
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There’s just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I’m searching for
I think I’ve found my best friend

I know that it might sound more than a little crazy But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I’ve found you

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

Ok were maybe a litte late but this just had me in stitches so I had to share it."Queen Camilla"
Some great stuff on that site.. stop and giggle a while.. I know I did! :P

Quick Joke.. and its clean...YAY..

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies" he responded.

"Oh! Killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, 3 males and 2 females" he replied.

Intrigued, she asked "How can you tell?"

"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone" he responded

Pics :)

Yes its that time again folks where I bore you with pictures of my tropical fish!! so here goes

Jack My dwarf Honey Gourami.. off the cute scale this guy :)

My male lace gourami.. maybe I should name him..any ideas?

One of my New Guinea Red Rainbows trying to swim fast enough so i cant take a pic...ggggggggrrrr

Baby Bristle nose plec... Cute :)

Big blue.. my male opaline gourami
Yesssssssssssss I fell better now I have done that, and I know how desperate you were to see them! ;)

AWOL :/

Ok so yes I've been AWOL again. No change there then....
But it has been a funny few months. Husband took his 10 day holiday on a nice tropical island somewhere off Hawaii :( .Leaving me here to sob myself to sleep :/
Well not quite, but I did ball my eyes out for the first few hours after he went. Then spent that evening/early morning having the usual panic attack and feeling like shit . :( Not good!! But after I liked my wounds for a while and realized I had to cope I just did...Well... As you just do I guess. Well its not like I had a bigger work load or anything, cos it doesn't do much around the house anyhow..lol It was just the locking the house up on my own on a night bit.. turning the key and knowing me and the kids were on our own. Not a nice feeling after 13 years of sharing everything. But you get over it and deal with it and move on. All in all we did great :) right upto the day before Rob came back, and my son William started with Symptoms not unlike an asthma attack.. It scared the shit out of me I can tell you. As they have stopped the local emergency doctor visits around here, and the nearest doctor now comes from Hull and it takes upto 2 hours. With no transport I was a real wreck hoping he was going to be OK. He had a nice steamy hot bath and that eased it so he did get some sleep, and I could rest a little easier. Kids... grrrrrrrrrr you never stop worrying about the little blighters do you.
Rob returned home full of Gifts/remorse and promises that he would not do it again ..lol Well lets face it girls.. we've all been there before haven't we... Course you won't Rob... Cos your divorced if you do it again you bastard!!!
Well then I have to get used to the idea that he's back.. and to be honest I'm not so sure how I was going to feel.. do you forgive and move on... or make the shits life hell for a few weeks?... oooooooooo its a tough call that one... and I feel I must be getting old as I went for the easy.. Forgive The Shit.. So life's back to normal.. sort of. Well it did sort out a lot of things to be honest.. made us talk about stuff we had been avoiding. So I guess it had the effect on me that he wanted.

Other stuff..
Been busy with my new project too these past 6 weeks or so and its almost ready to go.. I'll post details when I'm done :).. and sorry to disappoint you all but its not the E.Bay used panty scam!! :)

Stats..
Id like to take this opportunity to say how sorry I am to the people who stumble upon this site. Well Lets face it guys.. when Your doing searches for things like..
Kick Testicles..
Days out in East Yorkshire..
32DD and still growing
Nervous breakdown
Tarets Syndrome
32dd Bay area
growing 32ddd
You must be so disappointed by finding this load of dribble.. When I read through my latest list of hits, I get the strange feeling there was a pattern forming somewhere. if Only I could see what it was :/
I would also Like to say a huge thank you to all the people over the years who have read this rubbish and been kind enough to comment.. either by shoutbox comment box or private e.mail. You're all great and a huge **HUG** is on its way to you all. x
In my 2 years of doing this blog I have never been **trolled** once. What a lucky girl I am. (Holds breath and waits for the on slaut of nutters to slag me to death over the next few weeks!) For thoughs not in the no... Trolling is a term used to describe sad people who get a huge kick out of leaving nasty comments on peoples pages, it also seems to happen a lot on forums too. Kinda sad really.. and I'm sure there is a Boffin out there with a head shaped like a light bulb who could shed some light on (from his huge light bulb head) the subject and why these guys feel the need to do such a thing. I always go by the saying..
**If you haven't got anything nice to say, Then Don't say anything you bastard!** well it works for me :P

Off to bed now... yes I'm finally sleeping in my own bed again after 4 years.. Bloody hell!.. Its a long story..:(

Nite nite x

Point Taken :/

Ok folks I'm a lazy ass, and yes its been over a month since my last blog confession :( Been too busy with family turmoil a minor nervous breakdown etc.lol
No change there then I hear you cry.. and yes you would be right. My life is one long rollercaoster ride, lurching from one minor disaster to another, and doing my best to cling to my sanity in between the huge drops :P

Where to start really... ermmmm.. The diet... :)
Well I'm pleased to report that went great!! Lost a stone since chrimbo back down to just under 8 stone. I haven't been that weight from when I had my son almost 12 years ago, so that's kinda cool. But on the down side the weight loss has played havoc with my anxiety and stress levels. Would you believe it!!.. I would have though it would be great.. but no!! my poor badly damaged body didn't like the idea of thinness :( It was happy with its chubby frame and 32DD boobs. So it decided to let me know about it and sent me spiraling into anxiety and stress level not seen for some years previous. That will teach me!! But on the whole I coped well.. got on top of the anxiety stuff very quickly, which I'm most chuffed with myself about I can tell you. But the stress levels are proving harder to cope with. But I think that's more down to things that are going on at the mo. A certain person, and their presence in my life.. Oh yes.. and my Bastard of a husband booking himself a nice 10 day holiday on a tropical island just off Hawaii. Without me and the kids!!.. Yes you did read that bit right. And the sad fact is its not the first time he's done it either. He did it about 6 years ago. I WANT A DIVORCE!! if its not the bloody golf I have to put up with.. Its the bloody holidays. I need a new husband.. any offers?

Well i'm glad I got that off my chest, 12 years together.. am I bonkers/.. lets face it folks.. you get less for murder these days!! Oh well for better for worse or so they say.. I'm just still waiting for the better :(

Other stuff..
Kids are great.. Kelly's beens for 3 job interviews and much to her disgust not got any :(.. her long suffering boyfriend has decided that he cant live without her so they are back together. I had to give them the hard word the other day. He stopped over as he does from time to time, but it was a Sunday evening and both had college the next day...hhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmm.. I didn't see either off them till 5pm on the Monday. I got the impression they thought it was back to *give peace a chance* and they were having a bed based LOVE IN or something. God help us.. Kids.. I give in!! Strange really.. when I say kids they are both almost 18. At that age I had a full time job, was engaged to be married, buying my first home and had a baby on the way!!.. shit.. It seems I have always been bonkers then don't it!

TTFN

Quiz.. 16 again :P

You Are 16 Years Old

16 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Lol.. I did one of these about 2 years ago..seems I haven't grown up any then still 16 in the head :P Or maybe it has something to do with me being partial to Sponge Bob Square Pants..that probably tipped the balance :)

To Gibber or not to Gibber?

Why is it..when your happily going along with your life.. feeling *yes I'm In control I am!* that the anxiety thing just jumps up and bites you on the arse :P Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my head was so far up the fore mentioned arse that I never saw it comming :) That will teach me folks!!.. never blog about feeling great again... cos its just like sitting by and waiting for a car crash to happen.. not a pretty sight at all. Lol but I got throught it.. out the other side .. It just makes you more aware how great it is to just feel normal. Not that I have ever been normal before ,I'm just bloody good at kiding myself.. Look its that head up the arse situation again *smacks self round head with large blunt object*

Anklebitters :/

I love my kids.. I really do. but sometimes I really despair for their sanity and how will they ever cope in the outside world.. It's so not ready for them!!
My son william now aged 11 is currently doing his *sex ed* at school.. What's so funny about that you might ask. well its like this... in the past 10 days hes..
Stopped me on the landing while I was dashing for the loo to question me in great detail about what shape his testicles should really be! My answer was something like this.. I don't have testicle's william.. How the bloody hell would I know... Ok its not the most supportive of comments for a child full of questions about his changing body.. but my god.. I needed the loo people :P

Not happy with my response to his question he corners his dad and demands that Rob should feel his testicles just to make sure they are the right shape. My god... what are these teachers telling these kids? Do they have a testicle fetish or something? or was this just something I missed out on while I was at school?

But the icing on the cake people has to be this... While happily sat around the dinner table eating our evening meal together as a family.. he some how managed to bring up the subject of ejaculation and orgasms, I glances to the side of me for the response from my red looking husband just in time to see him choke on his toad in the whole and fire a piece of sausage across the table at great velocity at William! well I guess that wasn't the answer he was looking for either but it changed the subject!..lol

My lovely daughter, note at this point the term Lovely is ment in a gothic Mortisha Adams kinda way, is having relationship problems. After 6 months together, her long suffering boyfriend has finally seen the light and is desperately trying to break free from the strangeness that has become their relationship. I'm afraid to leave the house when he's round, just in case in a moment of madness he murders her and then tries to bury the body under the patio. But I must say.. if she don't stop winning about it and get it sorted, Im going to be pulling up the flags myself in redddiness for the event!

Inspiration

There's a girl inside the woman
Who's waiting to get free
She's washed a million dishes
She's always making tea
They think she's just a mother
With nothing left inside
Who swapped her dreams for drudgery
The day she was a bride
But the dreams were not forgotten
Just wrapped and packed away
In the hope that she could take them out
And dust them off one day......
There's a girl inside the woman
And the mother she became
And half-remembered songs come to her lips again......
The girl would sing the melody
But the woman stands in doubt
And wonders what the price would be
For letting the young girl out.

Thanks to http://arielpayit4ward.blogspot.com/ for the above.. kinda made me smile..

Fate

What a strange thing it is :/.. I believe that everything happens for a reason .. even the bad stuff. If you can stay strong and keep it together long enough to get through a situation then finding a positive edge on the outcome is the next step. This allows you to improve as a person as you travel along that rollercoaster that is called life. Ok my life has never really been easy, and just when I'm on my knees and think I can't take it any more fate gives me a good kick in the ribs to make sure I'm totally flat out. But on the positive side people.. when you're on the floor already.. the only wayleft is up!!! and what does not kill you makes you stronger and hopefully a more considerate human being to others and their feelings.

Lecture over!!.. lol
I'm constantly amazed by the how my life seems to be just mulling along OK then something or someone steps into it, when you had lost all hope of things ever changing. So as much as fate can kick you when you are down..it will rise you up when you least expect it. Something or should I say someone has just happened to my life that has totally changed my outlook on who I thought I was and where I thought I wanted my future to go... Out of blue.. BANG. when you least expect it.. Its bonkers!!.. but very uplifting and a joy to experience. I have learnt so much this last 2 weeks about who I am, and why I behave the way I do to others. My relationship with my daughter and where my future is heading. All very positive stuff!! and if It comes to nothing in the end I will be a much better person for having had this person in my life.
So what I'm trying to say folks is this.. don't ever give up!!.. don't ever stop dreaming,wanting and hoping.. cos one day when you're sat there thinking well that's it then... good things will happen and remind you of how great life is and how lucky we are to be here and experience it.

xx

New Look

I thought as it was a new year I would have a new look .:) Something to express my personality...
Well that would be totally bonkers and lost the plot then I guess :/ Oh well It will have to do for now.

New Year

Well Its been eventful if nothing else. With the problems the world has suffered since Christmas it kind of left me speechless :/ so much death an destruction :( finding words that describe how you feel are really hard at such times as these, so I felt it best to say nothing. But what I will say is.. my heart goes out to all the people affected by this disaster. Even my own family know someone who has not returned and is believed dead. So my thoughts and prayers are with you all at such a sad time.
On a more positive note.. they say good things come from such tragedy's.. and how great it is to see the world pulling together in a desperate attempt to help these people and the areas they live. It has restored my faith in human nature, and maybe..just maybe.. we do have a long term future together on this planet afterall :)

The Gibbering Wreck

What has become of her?..where did she go?.. Its hard to believe that 2 years ago when I started this blog just how bad I felt. How much anxiety ruled my life from day to day.. Minute to minute. Ok I still have the odd bad day.. but they are few and far between these days. For the first time in the whole of my life. I feel well.. In control.. and content with who I am and where I'm going.. all I have to do now is get a grip on my ever growing butt and boobs..lol that's my only ish for this year.. get my fitness back to where it was before all this happened. And I'm well on the way to my goal with that :)

I'd like to take this opportunity to point the gibbering amongst us to a website that I feel will be great help to them... http://www.panicsurvivor.com/ Its a great site full of info and stories with a positive edge. Plus people who will listen and give help and advise.. go on.. give it a go.. and send sunbaked my love:) and best wishes on his own journey.

Iraq

Once again another subject close to my heart. My brother is out there at the moment doing his 6 month tour. It scares the s**t out of me to think of where he is and what he is doing :( Ok he's been in the army a lot of years and as a staff sergeant he knows what he's doing, but still my heart jumps every time I see something on the news. He only has 4 years left before he can retire with a full pension, and for something to happen to him now... all I can do is hope he makes it home in one piece I guess. Same as all the other families with loved ones out there.