Thursday, November 27, 2008


As a 1930s wife, I am
Very Superior

Take the test!

LOL my god I dont think so.. Thanks to Bacon & cheese for that one :P

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Old friends....

Ive been a member of Friends Reunited website for 5 years or so now and have caught up with the odd person. School for me as I have mentioned before was one huge stress, and other than the few goods friends I made, I didn't get anything out of it. With the exception of even lower self esteem and being so self conscious I only ever felt comfortable going out in the dark LOL. Its funny how you see yourself in that sort of situation, and it never enters your head what people actually think about you.
I was always under the impression that people hated me, though I was a freak and would rather be anywhere other than spending time with me. Popular was something that I would have loved to have been, but it was obvious that it was never going to happen, as I was so far down the food chain, eating my way through the opposition was not an option :)
When I wasn't avoiding the bullies i was desperately trying to fit in and failing badly :( Despite all that I did manage by some small miracle to gain an Though I have no idea how, and left school having passed ever subject I took.
I guess the point to this ramble is this...
Just recently a large group of us have managed to link up on Facebook. It makes me laugh as other than the odd message, I don't think people communicated on Friends much and suddenly with the move over to facebook every ones nattering away like they only left school yesterday :) Getting chatting to people has mad me realise that my understanding of my peers and what they thought of me back then was just totally wrong. OK I have no doubt they all thought I was a little odd lol, but I was!!, but the main thing that has come back is just how quite I was, and reluctant to mix and get involved. People just didn't know what to say to me so avoided
So I guess this goes back to stuff in my previous post. Not to judge a book by its cover and always to give the benefit of the doubt. Had I had the skills to do that back then, my experience of school would have probably been very different :P

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Finding yourself.

My life has not been easy.. full of many highs and lows. Like most peoples I guess, but at times Ive been tested to my very phisical and mental limits. Just when I thought I couldnt get any lower, fate would hit me with a good kick in the ribs to keep me down a little longer. Though despite all this I'm still thankfull for every moment and have grown so much as a person because of it.
I truly believe that had I not suffered the things I have in my life, at the age of almost 40 I would now be a very miserable, unhappy and twisted person. Full of regret and with no understanding of who I was and no appreciation of the blessing that life is.
The pain and loss has taught me to treat each day as if it where my last. Love thoughs around me without condition, not to judge on first appearances and always give the benefit of the doubt. Life is so very short and can be taken from you at any moment so dont take a moment in vain.
When people around you try your pataience, hurt you without thought and trample over you to get where they think they need to be, see it as a test of your own self control, empathy and understanding.
Ive learnt that to be truly happy and to love others without condition you first have to be happy with yourself and come to an understanding of your own mortality. Only then can you find some sort of inner peace and the strength to deal with all that life throws at you.
This sounds like one of thoughs religous ramblings where people nod off in the church But its not based on religon what so ever . Its all about human nature and understanding what we are and the traits we inherit from our genes. How to make the best of the good ones and learn to control the bad ones.
Anxiety for me has been a life saver!! I cant put it any other way without it and the path it has taken me on, I would dred to think what and where I would be now.
I truly believe everything happens for a reason, with the exception of death .. thats just inevitable :)