Thursday, July 14, 2005


Sorry not been around but life's been a bit up and down of late. And sadly that's not in a good sexy way either :P Kind of crazy really when I read back to the Christmas post and how well I was feeling :/ But I guess that's the joy of living life as a gibbering wreck. Up one day.. down the next. One of my major faults is I always want a reason to explain the way I'm feeling, and If I can't find a logical one then I tend to beat myself up and give myself a really hard time about failing. Which is bloody stupid really cos we all have bad days so I should allow myself them too.
After feeling so well for what had to be a good 18 months then suddenly back to questioning everything and being tough on myself when I have a lapse .. Its been hard to take and has led to a few periods of serious self pity..LOL Some people would call it depression.. but to me if it only lasts a few days or maybe a week its just self pity. So I kick myself up what is now a very skinny and crack on with life.. facing each day as it comes and trying to find the positive things to make me smile :) there's lots if you pull your head out of your arse long enough to see the day light!!
Other than my stress problem.. cos that's what it is really. Its the thing that started of my anxiety attacks. I just couldn't cope with feeling so stressed all the time so I got down about it then I got anxious about the stress and being down and before I knew it it have taken over everything. A crazy situation when I look back, but with no one to talk to and 2 small children to take care of things can quickly spiral out of control. Shit I've gone of track again.. Its the bloody self pity sneaking in someone slap me quick!. As I was saying.. other that the stress problem that is kinda winning the battle at the moment things are good.
My daughter is working and coping well. though she was sent home today after fainting the heat has been pretty shit these past few days so I'm not surprised. My son is dong his last week and a bit at his middle school before he goes up to seniors in September. That will be a huge weight of my mind as he won't have to do the 15 min walk to school. That's a worry cos of roads he has to cross ect. The upper school is just 5 mins walk from the house so that will be great for him! Plus he can come home for lunch too if he wants to get away from the place.. even better. Just hoping he settles OK and we don't have the bullying problems we had with my daughter.
Hubby is in the middle of a plumbing course. I think he's having a mid life crisis and fancies a career change :) But you can't blame him as the pig work is hard and he's not getting any younger.. 47 this year!! the old fart. He's loving it and can't get over how little work it is for the money. Lets face it from £15 to £30 an hour is a bit of a raise! Its great to see him enjoying it. I hope it takes off for him.

Well that enough prattling from me. I think I need to do this more and treat it like therapy or

Nite chucks sleep well x