But do I care... no.. not a jot my friends!!.. cos at the ripe old age of 36 I finally have a diagnosis of my problem!!.. Hey Men to that!! So its official, I'm suffering from a condition called GAD General Anxiety Disorder. I can't tell you what huge relief it is to put a name to all my problems that have plagued me most of my life. So I'm not bonkers.. Its a recognized condition, that sadly millions of people worldwide suffer from too. Caused by an imbalance of certain chemicals in the brain , also a lot of other stuff that I won't go into on here :)
Why the sudden change and run to the docs? well I have been really struggling with stress for the past 8 months and it finally got the better of me 3 weeks ago. The stress turned into anxiety overnight which in turn turned into nervous exhaustion/Burnout and left me in a bit of a state I can tell you. Lots of sobbing and feeling sorry for myself, and kicking myself cos I had let myself fall back so far. But the truth is it was probably the best thing that could have happened, cos now I have to really face it for what it is. Plus now I know what I'm dealing with. The stressed out feeling that I always had is actually part of the condition.. go figure..lol I was under the deluded impression it was the stress that set of the anxiety. But no.. Its all part of the same thing.. it just depends on which chemicals are low .. as to which symptom you will get. Also what situation is causing the problem too. Its all very complicated..lol
So I find myself here.. after tests I ruled out a lot of things that I thought were issues, so I can rest easy on that score. Also If I do struggle there are good meds that are specific to this condition that are really helpful too.
I'm on the mend again and the nervous exhaustion is slowly getting better. I can't tell you how bad it was to feel so drained you couldn't even face getting out of bed in the morning, and the depression that kicks in too. Its all pretty crap really. But we live to fight another day.
I'm back to reading lots of self help books..ROFL.. Sad I know.. but it really helps focus my battered brain and gives me focus to fight it on a day to day basis. Also new to the regime is the lovely Paul McKenna..:P.. well not him in person you understand.. thought it would be great to have a bit on the side that could make you feel great about everything whenever it suited..lol I'm listening to some of his self help CD'S.. and I have to say the Hypnosis part of the CD's is better than alcohol..lol
I listen to it before I go to sleep, and can honestly say I nearly always nod off before the end..lol While all that positive stuff gets downloaded into my battered and beaten brain. I have noticed a difference in my sleep and also my overall stress/anxiety level from using it.. so thumbs up for Paul.. I'm hooked!!
Enough of my rubbish. My lovely daughter has finally split up with the long suffering Danny. It was all very traumatic for all concerned. Me included!! I had visions of walking into her room and finding her dead she got so down over it all. No bloody wonder I suffer from GAD..lol but she's on the mend finally and turn 18 next week on the 10th. My god where has the time gone?
Why does everything blow up at once?..lol MY microwave went bang last week.. well it was 15 years old..lol.. Ordered a new one.. it came.. I plugged it in.... great all seem fine.. Came downstairs an hour later to the micro spinning and buzzing.. looked inside and it was empty !!..lol The bloody thing had switched its self on!! nothing on the timer at all. Just turns its self on..Spooky!!.. So it was supposed to be replaced.. well for normal people it would be... but for me no.. somehow the order for collection/replacement is stuck in the system and they cant issue another till it clears!!.. Really I ask you?.. oh and the switch/router on my network blew today too.. leaving 2 rather pissed off kids with no net access till the end of next week!!..ROFL.. I shouldn't be laughing. Cos its a stress I can do without at the moment. Oh well life goes on I guess. Off to try and eat something!!
Much love to you all x x