Hobbies

Ive found over the years that a busy mind is a healthy mind, well that goes for the body too as long as you know when enough is enough :) As well as Fish keeping gardening, photography I also make and sell Chess Sets and Chess Moulds..
Chess website
E bid Store
I just thought Id share a few of my latest sets with my blog. favs at the moment have to be the Erotic Chess Sets that Ive made I get great pleasure in turning a bag of stonepowder and a bit of paint into something quite unique and striking. Ok Erotic Chess sets are not for everyone but they are certainly a talking point for that non dis-script coffee table that sits there doing nothing :P I also make chess sets in another 50 and more designs so there is something for everyone.

Changes :/

I cant believe its been almost 18 months since my last post here, I guess I do a lot of venting over on facebook. There has been alot of changes for me over these past 6 months, and as we all know change and anxiety dont make good bed fellows lol. Ive learnt so much over the past 18 months about my anxiety issues, silly really as I though I knew it all, how wrong I was on that score. I came across a few books by Dr Claire Weekes. I was a little skeptical at first as most where written almost 4 decades ago and the understanding of anxiety issues has changed so much since then. But after reading one of her books I became intrigued at her approach to the issues. It was like a breath of fresh air, and every word made so much sense I was astounded. For the first time there was someone who understood totally what I was going through, down to the silliest of tiny detail. Peace From Nervous Suffering/Self Help For Our Nerves/More Help for your nerves have become my bibles :) This woman has an insight into the anxiety ridden person like no other and its no wonder these books are all bestsellers. She was a marvel decades before her time and no doubt has helped so many millions of people over the years come to terms with their condition. If they are the only books on anxiety you ever buy, they will be worth every penny! I bought mine second hand through amazon so they weren't expensive.
They have made me look at at my anxiety in a hole new light, and have taken most of the fear from it by allowing me to understand the very nature of the beast. They say knowledge is power, and believe me in this case it is!.
Well other than the discovery of Dr Weekes and her pearls of wisdom what else have I been up to.. :P Well its been a tough few years lots of ups and downs, but thats just all past of life. Long periods of anxiety free time, pitted with bouts that hit from nowhere. But theres been a lot of changes too. My lovely husband leaving me for 2 weeks last year for a trip to the states to visit his son, a trip which he is doing again this year :/ That hasn't helped my up and down state, but its unfair to expect others to restrict their lives just because I do. On the whole I coped Ok last year after the usual mini spaz of anxiety turmoil. Its not the fear of being on my own that gets me, its just the worry if I have a really bad bout and end up housebound how will things like the shopping etc get done, common sense things really. I dont rely on my husband for much to be honest, its just when I get bad bouts it helps to know hes there to pick up the slack and get tablets etc for me.
My daughter also moved out at the age of 22. Shes living in a flat across town with her boyfriend of 18 months Alex. I'm pleased to say shes doing really and coped well with her move, better than I did anyhow..lol The first week was hell after she went, coping with the quite at times was too much to bare. When your used to a house full and lots of noise and squabbles its a massive shock to the system to have just quite.
I got through it by keeping really busy and not trying to think too much. Chronic case of empty nest syndrome me thinks. Its silly really as I never thought of myself as someone who would suffer like this. Being a mum at 18 and never really having any adult life just of my own, I thought I would love the freedom and having less to worry about. But the fact is Kids, however much they drive you crazy, they do in fact give you a huge reason for facing another day, a reason to keep positive and keep going in the right direction. And the joy that they bring just by being there fills all the dark spots with light. You suddenly question who and what are you with out them, I guess its just something 99% of mums go through with or without an anxiety issue, I just feel the anxiety magnifies it as it does most things and makes it harder to bare.
Secondly my son is just in the throws of leaving school also :/ Hes just done his final few days and now only returns for exams. After that hes going to college to study ITC for 2 years. More change :/ No more coming home for lunch with his mates/girlfriend which means even more quite time for me :/ No wonder so many women suffer with depression etc at this time, it just feels like a huge loss, a hole that nothing seems to fill. Some how in amongst all this we have to find ourselves again, which believe me is not easy when you've invested all your adult life in raising these children. All that time/love/hope you somehow forget about yourself, your own needs and wants just don't matter. Your only focus is on them and seeing them through to adulthood. Then Bang.. .. its over.. your surplus to requirements :/
Funny when I left home I never gave a second thought to my parents and how it affected them. Myself and my 2 older brothers all left in a period of 2 years, and my younger brother stuck around for another 7 years before finally moving out. They never mentioned it, or spoke of it.. but from going to a house full of noise and 4 kids plus their mates.. to nothing but quite.. god that must have been hell. I guess the older generations just got on with it like they did most things.
Time is a great healer or so they say..

Christmas.. BLAH............

The joy that is being gibbering again... NOT!! Im so glad that the mind forgets how bad it feels over time otherwise we would never get well. Living with a servere anxiety disorder can really get me down at times and the worst of it has been mainly due to fact that before this happened again I was so well, meaning I had that much further to fall :(. My brain was stuck in normal nothing gets to me mode and has taken quite a few weeks to come to terms with my new state of gibbering. Having lost about 12lbs so far due to churning stomach and no apetite I'm finally forcing myself to eat again. Ive had to go back on some meds just to try and get a break from the symptoms mainly beta blockers, and this has helped setled things down. Ive also gone back to the doctors who has given me a very low dose antidepresent in an effort to try and calm my racing brain. Funny thing is Ive always hated the idea of talking meds and has always just got on with it, but now at almost 40 I feel ive wasted enough time on this bloody condition and am willing to give the meds ago to try and get it under control once and for all. I think the fact that my condition has been stable for so long mostly due to the St Johns wort has made me realise that there is some type of chemical inbalance in my brain that needs adressing. Throughout the whole of my life Ive suffered with anxiety of one kind or another. Infact my very first memories are of anxiety :( So its time to give the low dose meds ago and see if they work for me and help stablise things.

Product review..
Panic Away...
http://www.panicportal.com/index_a.htm?gclid=CI_TjrC-4ZcCFQ4i3god4lDoDQ

I have over the years via this site been asked to review products to do with anxiety. Mostly I dont bother unless they send me it free...lol But in a moment of weakness I decided to give a go. Its not cheap by any means and I was sceptical but I had some cash sat in my paypal account so I thought what the hell nothing ventured nothing gained and all that.
I have to say its one of the most complexed things Ive read on Panic attacks and GAD. It pretty much explains everything you ever wanted to know in there :) Ive had certain symptoms with my anxiety that have about driven me nuts. I've never seen them either explained or even mentioned in most literature so that led me to believe that it was just a problem that I had, which in turn made me feel far worse about things. But there they where, written down in plain speak with a really good explanation and tips to help you deal with each problem :)
Its such a common sense approach to the problem that anyone can use it without feeling overwhelmed by the amount of stuff to learn. If nothing else it wil help you gain an understanding of the problem and how to start and tackle it. I give it 9/10 for content and useability

Anxiety Ramble

What is it about me saying I'm well, that means within weeks I'm going to be a gibbering wreck again..lol
I think its called tempting fate :( Well I have to say the past three and a half years despite the odd blip have been really good. Ive had long periods with little or no symptoms and have been able to do stuff I haven't done for years. Its been great, so Its bloody hard to go back to feeling so stressed anxious and worn out again. But at least I recognised the signs early before It had too much time to take hold, and was able to make changes to my life to reduce the problems.
I have to say that I put my wellness from the past three years down to a change in diet. I also started talking St Johns wort about 2 years ago and that seems to have been the biggest factor. Talking St johns, though I didn't twig at the time, has been a huge stabilising effect on my condition, meaning when I had blips I was able to pull myself up very quickly indeed and not let it get on top of me.
This latest onslaught has been caused by a few things... really busy with work, extra work load at home too, and a few other outside issues going on that tipped me over the edge, self inflected and I should have know better, but hey we can all say that looking back :(
I have to say though that everytime I have another bad outbreak I learn more about my problem, I understand it a little more and am more able to cope, once the initial OMG not again has passed. I'm not so frightened of it anymore as I once was and by learning as much as I can about the condition I am slowly finding some peace within my self and coming to terms with it.
I think as time goes on, and more stuff is learnt about these types of conditions people will begin to realise that having a *mental* illness is just the same as been born with a limb missing. I think they are finally starting to cotton on to the fact that these problems are in fact caused by chemical in balances in the brain and even hard wiring problems of the brain that mean we cant possible function like other people do. I mean you wouldn't think less of a human being that only had one leg,yet people still ridicule and avoid people for having *mental* illness :(

Im positive and upbeat and looking forward to christmas and the new year also trialing another herbal product called 5-HTP that also helps with seratonin so fingers crossed this helps too.
Merry christmas to all x

87 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Superior Take the test!

LOL my god I dont think so.. Thanks to Bacon & cheese for that one :P

Old friends....

Ive been a member of Friends Reunited website for 5 years or so now and have caught up with the odd person. School for me as I have mentioned before was one huge stress, and other than the few goods friends I made, I didn't get anything out of it. With the exception of even lower self esteem and being so self conscious I only ever felt comfortable going out in the dark LOL. Its funny how you see yourself in that sort of situation, and it never enters your head what people actually think about you.
I was always under the impression that people hated me, though I was a freak and would rather be anywhere other than spending time with me. Popular was something that I would have loved to have been, but it was obvious that it was never going to happen, as I was so far down the food chain, eating my way through the opposition was not an option :)
When I wasn't avoiding the bullies i was desperately trying to fit in and failing badly :( Despite all that I did manage by some small miracle to gain an education..lol Though I have no idea how, and left school having passed ever subject I took.
I guess the point to this ramble is this...
Just recently a large group of us have managed to link up on Facebook. It makes me laugh as other than the odd message, I don't think people communicated on Friends much and suddenly with the move over to facebook every ones nattering away like they only left school yesterday :) Getting chatting to people has mad me realise that my understanding of my peers and what they thought of me back then was just totally wrong. OK I have no doubt they all thought I was a little odd lol, but I was!!, but the main thing that has come back is just how quite I was, and reluctant to mix and get involved. People just didn't know what to say to me so avoided me..lol
So I guess this goes back to stuff in my previous post. Not to judge a book by its cover and always to give the benefit of the doubt. Had I had the skills to do that back then, my experience of school would have probably been very different :P

Finding yourself.

My life has not been easy.. full of many highs and lows. Like most peoples I guess, but at times Ive been tested to my very phisical and mental limits. Just when I thought I couldnt get any lower, fate would hit me with a good kick in the ribs to keep me down a little longer. Though despite all this I'm still thankfull for every moment and have grown so much as a person because of it.
I truly believe that had I not suffered the things I have in my life, at the age of almost 40 I would now be a very miserable, unhappy and twisted person. Full of regret and with no understanding of who I was and no appreciation of the blessing that life is.
The pain and loss has taught me to treat each day as if it where my last. Love thoughs around me without condition, not to judge on first appearances and always give the benefit of the doubt. Life is so very short and can be taken from you at any moment so dont take a moment in vain.
When people around you try your pataience, hurt you without thought and trample over you to get where they think they need to be, see it as a test of your own self control, empathy and understanding.
Ive learnt that to be truly happy and to love others without condition you first have to be happy with yourself and come to an understanding of your own mortality. Only then can you find some sort of inner peace and the strength to deal with all that life throws at you.
This sounds like one of thoughs religous ramblings where people nod off in the church ..lol But its not based on religon what so ever . Its all about human nature and understanding what we are and the traits we inherit from our genes. How to make the best of the good ones and learn to control the bad ones.
Anxiety for me has been a life saver!! I cant put it any other way without it and the path it has taken me on, I would dred to think what and where I would be now.
I truly believe everything happens for a reason, with the exception of death .. thats just inevitable :)

Fresh start :)

Well Ive just sat here and read back about 18 months of posts just to get a feel of the the kind of things I used to write about. Its amazing for me to look back and see where my head was at and what was happening in my life.
To cut a long story short I'm still here...LOL well thats pretty obvious or I wouldnt be typing this :) Still ploding along in my own little world dealing with things as they come along.

Ive decided its time to start writing again as I always found it good therapy. Not because I'm currently gibbering, but more to show how far Ive come and hopefully to give some hope to others who suffer with anxiety based problems. Ive learnt so much these past years and would love to be able to pass it on so others may get some benefit. I'm also planning on doing a book at some point, not that it will ever get published but more for a record for my kids to help them understand.

So watch this space as the ramble continues....

Steve Irwin RIP

Ok.. I've been away for almost a year now..Its been one busy busy year :)
I have to say one of the saddest days in a long time has to be the death of the great Steve Irwin. Its hard to find the words to describe what a loss to the planet his death will be. His enthusiasm and love of live will continue to be an inspiration to me and I'm in no doubt countless others on the planet.
At times when my anxiety got me so low I never thought I would crawl out of that deep pit, watching an episode of the crocodile Hunter would bring me back to earth with a smile. How do you fill the shoes of a person like that, someone so special and unique? I don't think it will ever be done. The memorial had me in buckets of tears, and even now when I think about him and all he did, I could cry my eyes out :(
I was reading through some interviews he had done in the past and in one he said "The one thing that worried him most, was that his kids would grow up without a daddy" I guess his worst fears were very sadly realized :(
My heart goes out to all his family and close friends who were clearly totally devastated by his death. You can make donations Here at Australia Zoo Or to Wildlife warriors. Steves own charity. This can be found on the Australia zoo website with lots of other ways to donate and join in to help his conservation programs.

I'm Rich :)

Looks like I'm not totally worthless afterall :)

My blog is worth $564.54.
How much is your blog worth?

A New Year.. Thank the lord for that folks!!

Well what can I say other than… Goodbye 2005.. was nice knowing ya…NOT!!!!
Last year started with such promise, I was feeling better than I had done in years. Life was generally looking good all round and my only goal was to loose about 10lbs and stay sane.. ROFL Well that was wishful thinking on my part I can tell you :( Well to my credit I did loose the weight, but that was more due to anxiety than anything else…lol
But I have kept it off.. or should that be .. put back on the stone the anxiety took off..lol
I don’t know why I’m laughing cos it wasn’t funny at the time. But I guess life is just one huge learning curve.
What did last year teach me?.. well that would be.. yes I do have a recognised condition called GAD.. and yes I was born with it and it just takes situations/circumstances to bring it out. Its not my fault, the things that have happened to me in my life have just made it worse. I have done much research on the problem, and through that, come to a greater understanding of it! Knowledge is power!! Being able to understand why your body does what it does makes living with it all so much easier. Understanding that it is all down to a part of the brain Called The Basal ganglia.. (probably spelt that wrong lol) This part of the brain is what sets the level for stress and anxiety, and people with GAD tend to be born with this part of the brain overactive to start with. Thus it talking us far less time to reach our panic state. Learning about it has made me really look back over my life, and I can say without any hesitation that I have always been this way. My earliest memories are of being anxious. School was a living hell.. LOL and all my life I have coped by using *avoidance* to deal with the things that caused me anxiety. But as you become an adult with responsibilities, suddenly you just can’t run away any more. Things have to be done and dealt with on a daily basis whether we like it or not !! And that is the answer my friends, learning new habits to replace the old panic ridden ones. Replacing the negative with the positive. Seeing situations for what they are.. and not what your Ganglia would have you believe lol That bloody ganglia has a lot to answer for I can tell you. I would go and have the thing removed If I thought there was a chance of normality..lol
Anxiety ramble over!!
What did you get for crimbo? I got this……

Well thats a lie really but what fun girls.. what fun… and no more washing up too.. double bonus!!
Well life is still strange here in the nut house. Kelly my daughter is doing OK and appears *Almost Sane* most of the time. William is going into *schoolitus mode* in readiness for school tomorrow. I had hoped that the anxiety would not affect him with him being male, but sadly as more time goes by it become apparent that even he is suffering. School and the thought of it is starting to make him physically sick too . I guess all I can do is support him as best I can and try to get him through it . It never rains in this house .. it just bloody pours down!!. A whole family of Gibbering Wrecks!!.. Please bring me the clever dick doctor who thinks this condition is not inherited!!.. cos I’ll gladly remove his sweetbreads while he’s still wearing them and fry them up for lunch!
On the more positive side… YAY.. well almost Robs doing OK Thank goodness. Hes got over the worst of his *new career* nerves and is starting to enjoy it. Though money is still a worry and I think that will remain for a while yet, were keeping the wolf from the door and looking forward to a busy year on the plumbing side!.. Fingers crossed or I’m chucking myself under the next Double Decker!!.. Knowing my look it will just go over and me and not leave a scratch.

Just a quickie :)

Merry Christmas and a happy new year!!

What every girl needs these cold wintry days!! **DELUXE MUFF WARMER WITH A DIFFERENCE**

Freudian Inventory Results

Oral (53%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence knowing when to accept help and when to do things on your own. Anal (73%) you appear to be overly self controlled, organized, and possibly subservient to authority, this effectively narrows your exposure to a wider set of options and ideas lowering the odds that you will make the best decisions in life. Phallic (46%) you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure. Latency (46%) you appear to have a good balance of abstract knowledge seeking and practicality, dealing with real world responsibilities while still cultivating your abstract and creative faculties and interests. Genital (40%) you appear to be somewhere between a progressive/openminded and regressive/closeminded outlook on life.

Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW

You just have to see this Panda Cam Its Panda Cam at The San Diego Zoo... after watching mum play with her cub for about 5 mins I was hooked :P They also have Elephant/Ape etc.
Other good Cams are Waterhole The waterhole at Kruger national Park .
Or if its people watching your after.. then why not try Tower cam the Eiffel Tower cam.. :)

It never rains.. its just bloody pisses it down!! :(

Well what can I say other than AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
To say its been a rough few months would be the understatement of the decade, hence the lack of posts ? You know how it is.. you think your on the floor and you can’t get any lower. then WHAM!! Fate comes and gives you a bloody good kicking in the ribs to make sure you’ll stay down a while. But.. as ever… you get through it …round it ..Over it… until you make it to the other side ? a little wiser for the experience and hopefully not too scared by the whole process.
I did sit down and write a good page about a month ago.. in the midst of this stuff.. but blogger did its usual trick of eating it rather than publishing it ..ROFL .. So I sat there.. Red faced and decided for the sake of sanity to walk away ..lol
So whats been going on.. errrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmm .. well my beloved daughter had a not so good go at slashing her wrists on the eve of her 18th birthday.. that was back in August. All over her bloody boyfriend.. gggggggrrrrrrrrr.. kids.. you just can’t tell em anything. Gad to report that she is now OK.. feeling positive, has a new job… but sadly still with the same boyfriend **BANGS HEAD AGAINST BRICK WALL**

I had a brush with a mad nurse and a lolly stick ? that turned out to be *In need of further investigation* So after waiting 2 months for the first test results I had to go back to be attacked yet again by afore mentioned mad nurse with ..yes you guessed it.. another even sharper lolly stick!! (Sorry guys.. it’s a woman thing) and after waiting another 6 weeks of torture they finally sent me the results saying “I’m just fine” and “sorry it was a bit of a mix up”!!.. Thanks guys.. just what I needed while I was having a nervous breakdown.. something real to worry about.. ROFL So that’s now all sorted thank goodness.
Husband did his plumbing course.. and enjoyed it. We have been self employed for some 5 years now, but mainly working for one guy with the pigs. This so called friend of Robs didn’t like the idea he was trying to better himself, so gave poor Rob only weeks to get the business up and running before he put him out of work.. The Bastard!!.. I mean really.. he knows full well he has a mortgage 2 kids and a nervous wreck for a wife. So its been panic stations trying to get things up and running.. Poor rob has also nearly had a nervous breakdown trying to sort it all and come to terms with it. So I’ve been worrying about him, worrying about money.. worrying about my daughter.. Oh yes and my son started high school.. so I’ve been worrying about him too. I hated school so much that having to send my kids into that situation has been a real problem for me. Having seen my daughter struggle so much with it all.. the thought of William having to go through the same.. just fills me with total dread. But its all part of life I guess. They have to find their own ways through things, with a little help and lots of support from parents ?

Other than a few other background stuff that’s a bit personal and I don’t want to bring other people into it, that’s been about it..ROFL.. lots of worrying… Hey.. no change there then. But on the positive side my weight is almost back to normal.. the anxiety is under control.. **well most of the time** and other than this never ending cold/sinus infection..lol I feel OK

Off to bed me thinks.. for another night of **Insomnia**.. and sadly that’s not a new sexual position I discovered on the net ?.. Nite nite x x

Spooky :/

Your Birthdate: March 29

You have the mind of an artist, even if you haven't developed the talent yet.Expressive and aware, you enjoy finding new ways to share your feelings.You often feel like you don't fit in - especially in traditional environments.You have big dreams. The problem is putting those dreams into action. Your strength: Your vivid imagination Your weakness: Fear of failure Your power color: Coral Your power symbol: Oval Your power month: November

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Putting your money where your mouth is!!

I have been contacted by many organizations over the years of doing this blog. For some reason they think that I would be happy to endorse a product that I have never used... more fool them is what I say. As they find to their cost when they get the sharp end of my tongue..lol But I was contacted by an organization who where so confident in their product that they were happy to send me a copy FOC from America.. also and more strangely..they wanted me to do a review of it with no hidden agenda!!.. ROFL. are these people mad I ask myself.. Lets face it.. I'm not known for being sympathetic to people who try to make a fast buck on the back of other peoples suffering. But he seemed so confident in this product he was prepared to put his money where his mouth was and risk me slagging it off for the whole world to see. Mad fool!
So I'm now the proud Owner of Vanquish Anxiety & fear in 24Hours
Presentation gets a good 10 out of 10. Not fussy and well organized.. easy for the bored housewife to understand..lol and that has to be plus!
The pack consists of 3 CD'S and a work book for you to chart your progress in.
Ok so I haven't had time to really get stuck into it as yet. But I have had a good look through the workbook that outlines the process contained on the 3cds. I was surprised to see the quality of the content. Having done CBT and a lot of research into GAD I'm aware of what works and what is helpful to people who suffer from anxiety conditions. This course seems to cover the lot !!.. plus extras ...thus attacking the condition from many different directions. This can only be a good thing as what will work for some people may not be so effective for others.
I guess it couldn't have come at a better time in my life either..lol when I'm in an anxious gibbering wreck frame of mind! So my friends.. to the future. I'm going to give this a real good go and see what sort of results I get from it. I must say though.. looking at myself as a rather large guinea pig did make me giggle a bit.. well they do say that owners often grow to look like their pets.

Watch this space!!

Its official .. I'm bonkers!! :)

But do I care... no.. not a jot my friends!!.. cos at the ripe old age of 36 I finally have a diagnosis of my problem!!.. Hey Men to that!! So its official, I'm suffering from a condition called GAD General Anxiety Disorder. I can't tell you what huge relief it is to put a name to all my problems that have plagued me most of my life. So I'm not bonkers.. Its a recognized condition, that sadly millions of people worldwide suffer from too. Caused by an imbalance of certain chemicals in the brain , also a lot of other stuff that I won't go into on here :)
Why the sudden change and run to the docs? well I have been really struggling with stress for the past 8 months and it finally got the better of me 3 weeks ago. The stress turned into anxiety overnight which in turn turned into nervous exhaustion/Burnout and left me in a bit of a state I can tell you. Lots of sobbing and feeling sorry for myself, and kicking myself cos I had let myself fall back so far. But the truth is it was probably the best thing that could have happened, cos now I have to really face it for what it is. Plus now I know what I'm dealing with. The stressed out feeling that I always had is actually part of the condition.. go figure..lol I was under the deluded impression it was the stress that set of the anxiety. But no.. Its all part of the same thing.. it just depends on which chemicals are low .. as to which symptom you will get. Also what situation is causing the problem too. Its all very complicated..lol
So I find myself here.. after tests I ruled out a lot of things that I thought were issues, so I can rest easy on that score. Also If I do struggle there are good meds that are specific to this condition that are really helpful too.
I'm on the mend again and the nervous exhaustion is slowly getting better. I can't tell you how bad it was to feel so drained you couldn't even face getting out of bed in the morning, and the depression that kicks in too. Its all pretty crap really. But we live to fight another day.
I'm back to reading lots of self help books..ROFL.. Sad I know.. but it really helps focus my battered brain and gives me focus to fight it on a day to day basis. Also new to the regime is the lovely Paul McKenna..:P.. well not him in person you understand.. thought it would be great to have a bit on the side that could make you feel great about everything whenever it suited..lol I'm listening to some of his self help CD'S.. and I have to say the Hypnosis part of the CD's is better than alcohol..lol
I listen to it before I go to sleep, and can honestly say I nearly always nod off before the end..lol While all that positive stuff gets downloaded into my battered and beaten brain. I have noticed a difference in my sleep and also my overall stress/anxiety level from using it.. so thumbs up for Paul.. I'm hooked!!

Enough of my rubbish. My lovely daughter has finally split up with the long suffering Danny. It was all very traumatic for all concerned. Me included!! I had visions of walking into her room and finding her dead she got so down over it all. No bloody wonder I suffer from GAD..lol but she's on the mend finally and turn 18 next week on the 10th. My god where has the time gone?
Why does everything blow up at once?..lol MY microwave went bang last week.. well it was 15 years old..lol.. Ordered a new one.. it came.. I plugged it in.... great all seem fine.. Came downstairs an hour later to the micro spinning and buzzing.. looked inside and it was empty !!..lol The bloody thing had switched its self on!! nothing on the timer at all. Just turns its self on..Spooky!!.. So it was supposed to be replaced.. well for normal people it would be... but for me no.. somehow the order for collection/replacement is stuck in the system and they cant issue another till it clears!!.. Really I ask you?.. oh and the switch/router on my network blew today too.. leaving 2 rather pissed off kids with no net access till the end of next week!!..ROFL.. I shouldn't be laughing. Cos its a stress I can do without at the moment. Oh well life goes on I guess. Off to try and eat something!!

Much love to you all x x

Stress... GGGGGGGRRRRRRRR

Sorry not been around but life's been a bit up and down of late. And sadly that's not in a good sexy way either :P Kind of crazy really when I read back to the Christmas post and how well I was feeling :/ But I guess that's the joy of living life as a gibbering wreck. Up one day.. down the next. One of my major faults is I always want a reason to explain the way I'm feeling, and If I can't find a logical one then I tend to beat myself up and give myself a really hard time about failing. Which is bloody stupid really cos we all have bad days so I should allow myself them too.
After feeling so well for what had to be a good 18 months then suddenly back to questioning everything and being tough on myself when I have a lapse .. Its been hard to take and has led to a few periods of serious self pity..LOL Some people would call it depression.. but to me if it only lasts a few days or maybe a week its just self pity. So I kick myself up what is now a very skinny arse..lol and crack on with life.. facing each day as it comes and trying to find the positive things to make me smile :) there's lots if you pull your head out of your arse long enough to see the day light!!
Other than my stress problem.. cos that's what it is really. Its the thing that started of my anxiety attacks. I just couldn't cope with feeling so stressed all the time so I got down about it then I got anxious about the stress and being down and before I knew it it have taken over everything. A crazy situation when I look back, but with no one to talk to and 2 small children to take care of things can quickly spiral out of control. Shit I've gone of track again.. Its the bloody self pity sneaking in again..lol someone slap me quick!. As I was saying.. other that the stress problem that is kinda winning the battle at the moment things are good.
My daughter is working and coping well. though she was sent home today after fainting twice..lol the heat has been pretty shit these past few days so I'm not surprised. My son is dong his last week and a bit at his middle school before he goes up to seniors in September. That will be a huge weight of my mind as he won't have to do the 15 min walk to school. That's a worry cos of roads he has to cross ect. The upper school is just 5 mins walk from the house so that will be great for him! Plus he can come home for lunch too if he wants to get away from the place.. even better. Just hoping he settles OK and we don't have the bullying problems we had with my daughter.
Hubby is in the middle of a plumbing course. I think he's having a mid life crisis and fancies a career change :) But you can't blame him as the pig work is hard and he's not getting any younger.. 47 this year!!..lol the old fart. He's loving it and can't get over how little work it is for the money. Lets face it from £15 to £30 an hour is a bit of a raise!..lol Its great to see him enjoying it. I hope it takes off for him.

Well that enough prattling from me. I think I need to do this more and treat it like therapy or something..lol

Nite chucks sleep well x

Project :)

Just a quickie..till I get time to come back and do some updating, even time for a new Blogger header me thinks :).. What wonderful thing can I come up with to give you all nightmares..lol
My New project people Give it a peek and tell me what you think :)