Changes :/

I cant believe its been almost 18 months since my last post here, I guess I do a lot of venting over on facebook. There has been alot of changes for me over these past 6 months, and as we all know change and anxiety dont make good bed fellows lol. Ive learnt so much over the past 18 months about my anxiety issues, silly really as I though I knew it all, how wrong I was on that score. I came across a few books by Dr Claire Weekes. I was a little skeptical at first as most where written almost 4 decades ago and the understanding of anxiety issues has changed so much since then. But after reading one of her books I became intrigued at her approach to the issues. It was like a breath of fresh air, and every word made so much sense I was astounded. For the first time there was someone who understood totally what I was going through, down to the silliest of tiny detail. Peace From Nervous Suffering/Self Help For Our Nerves/More Help for your nerves have become my bibles :) This woman has an insight into the anxiety ridden person like no other and its no wonder these books are all bestsellers. She was a marvel decades before her time and no doubt has helped so many millions of people over the years come to terms with their condition. If they are the only books on anxiety you ever buy, they will be worth every penny! I bought mine second hand through amazon so they weren't expensive.
They have made me look at at my anxiety in a hole new light, and have taken most of the fear from it by allowing me to understand the very nature of the beast. They say knowledge is power, and believe me in this case it is!.
Well other than the discovery of Dr Weekes and her pearls of wisdom what else have I been up to.. :P Well its been a tough few years lots of ups and downs, but thats just all past of life. Long periods of anxiety free time, pitted with bouts that hit from nowhere. But theres been a lot of changes too. My lovely husband leaving me for 2 weeks last year for a trip to the states to visit his son, a trip which he is doing again this year :/ That hasn't helped my up and down state, but its unfair to expect others to restrict their lives just because I do. On the whole I coped Ok last year after the usual mini spaz of anxiety turmoil. Its not the fear of being on my own that gets me, its just the worry if I have a really bad bout and end up housebound how will things like the shopping etc get done, common sense things really. I dont rely on my husband for much to be honest, its just when I get bad bouts it helps to know hes there to pick up the slack and get tablets etc for me.
My daughter also moved out at the age of 22. Shes living in a flat across town with her boyfriend of 18 months Alex. I'm pleased to say shes doing really and coped well with her move, better than I did anyhow..lol The first week was hell after she went, coping with the quite at times was too much to bare. When your used to a house full and lots of noise and squabbles its a massive shock to the system to have just quite.
I got through it by keeping really busy and not trying to think too much. Chronic case of empty nest syndrome me thinks. Its silly really as I never thought of myself as someone who would suffer like this. Being a mum at 18 and never really having any adult life just of my own, I thought I would love the freedom and having less to worry about. But the fact is Kids, however much they drive you crazy, they do in fact give you a huge reason for facing another day, a reason to keep positive and keep going in the right direction. And the joy that they bring just by being there fills all the dark spots with light. You suddenly question who and what are you with out them, I guess its just something 99% of mums go through with or without an anxiety issue, I just feel the anxiety magnifies it as it does most things and makes it harder to bare.
Secondly my son is just in the throws of leaving school also :/ Hes just done his final few days and now only returns for exams. After that hes going to college to study ITC for 2 years. More change :/ No more coming home for lunch with his mates/girlfriend which means even more quite time for me :/ No wonder so many women suffer with depression etc at this time, it just feels like a huge loss, a hole that nothing seems to fill. Some how in amongst all this we have to find ourselves again, which believe me is not easy when you've invested all your adult life in raising these children. All that time/love/hope you somehow forget about yourself, your own needs and wants just don't matter. Your only focus is on them and seeing them through to adulthood. Then Bang.. .. its over.. your surplus to requirements :/
Funny when I left home I never gave a second thought to my parents and how it affected them. Myself and my 2 older brothers all left in a period of 2 years, and my younger brother stuck around for another 7 years before finally moving out. They never mentioned it, or spoke of it.. but from going to a house full of noise and 4 kids plus their mates.. to nothing but quite.. god that must have been hell. I guess the older generations just got on with it like they did most things.
Time is a great healer or so they say..