TROLLED :(

ROFL.. what did I tell you.. look in my shout box to the right..:/
there's always one who just can't resist..lol
Well I say this to you.. MAX .. The fact that you stayed long enough to get the impression that I'm scary speaks volumes :) Come on Max.. come and join the *SCARY/Mad Folk*.. you know you want to really!!.. no point hiding your light under a bushel any longer.. come out of the closet and be proud to be **Scary** I know I am!! :)

Blessed :)

I consider myself to be very blessed. :).. I have a loving family that are always there for me. Great friends, some that have been around from when I was a child. 2 Great kids that drive me bonkers and keep me on my toes. ;) And what can only be classed as an easy life by most peoples standards. But every so often in ones life you come across a person who *rocks your world*.. its the only way I can describe it really. I have mentioned this person a few times in the past months, but not wanting to put a curse on the friendship, I have kept my feelings under wraps. But now I feel is a good time to come out of the closet so to speak ;)
So.... to the so called friend who said " I give it 6 weeks, he only wants you for sex" I say this.... "please don't judge others by your own standards!!" Ok maybe you were just worried for me.. but the thought that you felt I didnt know the difference between a genuine person and someone on the take really hurt me! 6 months into this friendship I feel I have someone in my life that has made a huge difference to who I am. His kindness, understanding/love/friendship has taken my breath away at times and left me wondering 'what wonderfull thing did i do in life to deserve you to come into it' So Mr Robinson..:) I dedicate this lovely song to you.. and its sent with all my heart and a huge thankyou for just being you!! Who ever becomes Mrs Robinson is going to be one very lucky lady indeed!

I knew I loved you

Savage Garden

Maybe it’s intuition
But some things you just don’t question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I’ve found my best friends
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There’s just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I’m searching for
I think I’ve found my best friend

I know that it might sound more than a little crazy But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I’ve found you

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

Ok were maybe a litte late but this just had me in stitches so I had to share it."Queen Camilla"
Some great stuff on that site.. stop and giggle a while.. I know I did! :P

Quick Joke.. and its clean...YAY..

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies" he responded.

"Oh! Killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, 3 males and 2 females" he replied.

Intrigued, she asked "How can you tell?"

"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone" he responded

Pics :)

Yes its that time again folks where I bore you with pictures of my tropical fish!! so here goes

Jack My dwarf Honey Gourami.. off the cute scale this guy :)

My male lace gourami.. maybe I should name him..any ideas?

One of my New Guinea Red Rainbows trying to swim fast enough so i cant take a pic...ggggggggrrrr

Baby Bristle nose plec... Cute :)

Big blue.. my male opaline gourami
Yesssssssssssss I fell better now I have done that, and I know how desperate you were to see them! ;)

AWOL :/

Ok so yes I've been AWOL again. No change there then....
But it has been a funny few months. Husband took his 10 day holiday on a nice tropical island somewhere off Hawaii :( .Leaving me here to sob myself to sleep :/
Well not quite, but I did ball my eyes out for the first few hours after he went. Then spent that evening/early morning having the usual panic attack and feeling like shit . :( Not good!! But after I liked my wounds for a while and realized I had to cope I just did...Well... As you just do I guess. Well its not like I had a bigger work load or anything, cos it doesn't do much around the house anyhow..lol It was just the locking the house up on my own on a night bit.. turning the key and knowing me and the kids were on our own. Not a nice feeling after 13 years of sharing everything. But you get over it and deal with it and move on. All in all we did great :) right upto the day before Rob came back, and my son William started with Symptoms not unlike an asthma attack.. It scared the shit out of me I can tell you. As they have stopped the local emergency doctor visits around here, and the nearest doctor now comes from Hull and it takes upto 2 hours. With no transport I was a real wreck hoping he was going to be OK. He had a nice steamy hot bath and that eased it so he did get some sleep, and I could rest a little easier. Kids... grrrrrrrrrr you never stop worrying about the little blighters do you.
Rob returned home full of Gifts/remorse and promises that he would not do it again ..lol Well lets face it girls.. we've all been there before haven't we... Course you won't Rob... Cos your divorced if you do it again you bastard!!!
Well then I have to get used to the idea that he's back.. and to be honest I'm not so sure how I was going to feel.. do you forgive and move on... or make the shits life hell for a few weeks?... oooooooooo its a tough call that one... and I feel I must be getting old as I went for the easy.. Forgive The Shit.. So life's back to normal.. sort of. Well it did sort out a lot of things to be honest.. made us talk about stuff we had been avoiding. So I guess it had the effect on me that he wanted.

Other stuff..
Been busy with my new project too these past 6 weeks or so and its almost ready to go.. I'll post details when I'm done :).. and sorry to disappoint you all but its not the E.Bay used panty scam!! :)

Stats..
Id like to take this opportunity to say how sorry I am to the people who stumble upon this site. Well Lets face it guys.. when Your doing searches for things like..
Kick Testicles..
Days out in East Yorkshire..
32DD and still growing
Nervous breakdown
Tarets Syndrome
32dd Bay area
growing 32ddd
You must be so disappointed by finding this load of dribble.. When I read through my latest list of hits, I get the strange feeling there was a pattern forming somewhere. if Only I could see what it was :/
I would also Like to say a huge thank you to all the people over the years who have read this rubbish and been kind enough to comment.. either by shoutbox comment box or private e.mail. You're all great and a huge **HUG** is on its way to you all. x
In my 2 years of doing this blog I have never been **trolled** once. What a lucky girl I am. (Holds breath and waits for the on slaut of nutters to slag me to death over the next few weeks!) For thoughs not in the no... Trolling is a term used to describe sad people who get a huge kick out of leaving nasty comments on peoples pages, it also seems to happen a lot on forums too. Kinda sad really.. and I'm sure there is a Boffin out there with a head shaped like a light bulb who could shed some light on (from his huge light bulb head) the subject and why these guys feel the need to do such a thing. I always go by the saying..
**If you haven't got anything nice to say, Then Don't say anything you bastard!** well it works for me :P

Off to bed now... yes I'm finally sleeping in my own bed again after 4 years.. Bloody hell!.. Its a long story..:(

Nite nite x

Point Taken :/

Ok folks I'm a lazy ass, and yes its been over a month since my last blog confession :( Been too busy with family turmoil a minor nervous breakdown etc.lol
No change there then I hear you cry.. and yes you would be right. My life is one long rollercaoster ride, lurching from one minor disaster to another, and doing my best to cling to my sanity in between the huge drops :P

Where to start really... ermmmm.. The diet... :)
Well I'm pleased to report that went great!! Lost a stone since chrimbo back down to just under 8 stone. I haven't been that weight from when I had my son almost 12 years ago, so that's kinda cool. But on the down side the weight loss has played havoc with my anxiety and stress levels. Would you believe it!!.. I would have though it would be great.. but no!! my poor badly damaged body didn't like the idea of thinness :( It was happy with its chubby frame and 32DD boobs. So it decided to let me know about it and sent me spiraling into anxiety and stress level not seen for some years previous. That will teach me!! But on the whole I coped well.. got on top of the anxiety stuff very quickly, which I'm most chuffed with myself about I can tell you. But the stress levels are proving harder to cope with. But I think that's more down to things that are going on at the mo. A certain person, and their presence in my life.. Oh yes.. and my Bastard of a husband booking himself a nice 10 day holiday on a tropical island just off Hawaii. Without me and the kids!!.. Yes you did read that bit right. And the sad fact is its not the first time he's done it either. He did it about 6 years ago. I WANT A DIVORCE!! if its not the bloody golf I have to put up with.. Its the bloody holidays. I need a new husband.. any offers?

Well i'm glad I got that off my chest, 12 years together.. am I bonkers/.. lets face it folks.. you get less for murder these days!! Oh well for better for worse or so they say.. I'm just still waiting for the better :(

Other stuff..
Kids are great.. Kelly's beens for 3 job interviews and much to her disgust not got any :(.. her long suffering boyfriend has decided that he cant live without her so they are back together. I had to give them the hard word the other day. He stopped over as he does from time to time, but it was a Sunday evening and both had college the next day...hhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmm.. I didn't see either off them till 5pm on the Monday. I got the impression they thought it was back to *give peace a chance* and they were having a bed based LOVE IN or something. God help us.. Kids.. I give in!! Strange really.. when I say kids they are both almost 18. At that age I had a full time job, was engaged to be married, buying my first home and had a baby on the way!!.. shit.. It seems I have always been bonkers then don't it!

TTFN

Quiz.. 16 again :P

You Are 16 Years Old

16 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Lol.. I did one of these about 2 years ago..seems I haven't grown up any then still 16 in the head :P Or maybe it has something to do with me being partial to Sponge Bob Square Pants..that probably tipped the balance :)

To Gibber or not to Gibber?

Why is it..when your happily going along with your life.. feeling *yes I'm In control I am!* that the anxiety thing just jumps up and bites you on the arse :P Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my head was so far up the fore mentioned arse that I never saw it comming :) That will teach me folks!!.. never blog about feeling great again... cos its just like sitting by and waiting for a car crash to happen.. not a pretty sight at all. Lol but I got throught it.. out the other side .. It just makes you more aware how great it is to just feel normal. Not that I have ever been normal before ,I'm just bloody good at kiding myself.. Look its that head up the arse situation again *smacks self round head with large blunt object*

Anklebitters :/

I love my kids.. I really do. but sometimes I really despair for their sanity and how will they ever cope in the outside world.. It's so not ready for them!!
My son william now aged 11 is currently doing his *sex ed* at school.. What's so funny about that you might ask. well its like this... in the past 10 days hes..
Stopped me on the landing while I was dashing for the loo to question me in great detail about what shape his testicles should really be! My answer was something like this.. I don't have testicle's william.. How the bloody hell would I know... Ok its not the most supportive of comments for a child full of questions about his changing body.. but my god.. I needed the loo people :P

Not happy with my response to his question he corners his dad and demands that Rob should feel his testicles just to make sure they are the right shape. My god... what are these teachers telling these kids? Do they have a testicle fetish or something? or was this just something I missed out on while I was at school?

But the icing on the cake people has to be this... While happily sat around the dinner table eating our evening meal together as a family.. he some how managed to bring up the subject of ejaculation and orgasms, I glances to the side of me for the response from my red looking husband just in time to see him choke on his toad in the whole and fire a piece of sausage across the table at great velocity at William! well I guess that wasn't the answer he was looking for either but it changed the subject!..lol

My lovely daughter, note at this point the term Lovely is ment in a gothic Mortisha Adams kinda way, is having relationship problems. After 6 months together, her long suffering boyfriend has finally seen the light and is desperately trying to break free from the strangeness that has become their relationship. I'm afraid to leave the house when he's round, just in case in a moment of madness he murders her and then tries to bury the body under the patio. But I must say.. if she don't stop winning about it and get it sorted, Im going to be pulling up the flags myself in redddiness for the event!

Inspiration

There's a girl inside the woman
Who's waiting to get free
She's washed a million dishes
She's always making tea
They think she's just a mother
With nothing left inside
Who swapped her dreams for drudgery
The day she was a bride
But the dreams were not forgotten
Just wrapped and packed away
In the hope that she could take them out
And dust them off one day......
There's a girl inside the woman
And the mother she became
And half-remembered songs come to her lips again......
The girl would sing the melody
But the woman stands in doubt
And wonders what the price would be
For letting the young girl out.

Thanks to http://arielpayit4ward.blogspot.com/ for the above.. kinda made me smile..

Fate

What a strange thing it is :/.. I believe that everything happens for a reason .. even the bad stuff. If you can stay strong and keep it together long enough to get through a situation then finding a positive edge on the outcome is the next step. This allows you to improve as a person as you travel along that rollercoaster that is called life. Ok my life has never really been easy, and just when I'm on my knees and think I can't take it any more fate gives me a good kick in the ribs to make sure I'm totally flat out. But on the positive side people.. when you're on the floor already.. the only wayleft is up!!! and what does not kill you makes you stronger and hopefully a more considerate human being to others and their feelings.

Lecture over!!.. lol
I'm constantly amazed by the how my life seems to be just mulling along OK then something or someone steps into it, when you had lost all hope of things ever changing. So as much as fate can kick you when you are down..it will rise you up when you least expect it. Something or should I say someone has just happened to my life that has totally changed my outlook on who I thought I was and where I thought I wanted my future to go... Out of blue.. BANG. when you least expect it.. Its bonkers!!.. but very uplifting and a joy to experience. I have learnt so much this last 2 weeks about who I am, and why I behave the way I do to others. My relationship with my daughter and where my future is heading. All very positive stuff!! and if It comes to nothing in the end I will be a much better person for having had this person in my life.
So what I'm trying to say folks is this.. don't ever give up!!.. don't ever stop dreaming,wanting and hoping.. cos one day when you're sat there thinking well that's it then... good things will happen and remind you of how great life is and how lucky we are to be here and experience it.

xx

New Look

I thought as it was a new year I would have a new look .:) Something to express my personality...
Well that would be totally bonkers and lost the plot then I guess :/ Oh well It will have to do for now.

New Year

Well Its been eventful if nothing else. With the problems the world has suffered since Christmas it kind of left me speechless :/ so much death an destruction :( finding words that describe how you feel are really hard at such times as these, so I felt it best to say nothing. But what I will say is.. my heart goes out to all the people affected by this disaster. Even my own family know someone who has not returned and is believed dead. So my thoughts and prayers are with you all at such a sad time.
On a more positive note.. they say good things come from such tragedy's.. and how great it is to see the world pulling together in a desperate attempt to help these people and the areas they live. It has restored my faith in human nature, and maybe..just maybe.. we do have a long term future together on this planet afterall :)

The Gibbering Wreck

What has become of her?..where did she go?.. Its hard to believe that 2 years ago when I started this blog just how bad I felt. How much anxiety ruled my life from day to day.. Minute to minute. Ok I still have the odd bad day.. but they are few and far between these days. For the first time in the whole of my life. I feel well.. In control.. and content with who I am and where I'm going.. all I have to do now is get a grip on my ever growing butt and boobs..lol that's my only ish for this year.. get my fitness back to where it was before all this happened. And I'm well on the way to my goal with that :)

I'd like to take this opportunity to point the gibbering amongst us to a website that I feel will be great help to them... http://www.panicsurvivor.com/ Its a great site full of info and stories with a positive edge. Plus people who will listen and give help and advise.. go on.. give it a go.. and send sunbaked my love:) and best wishes on his own journey.

Iraq

Once again another subject close to my heart. My brother is out there at the moment doing his 6 month tour. It scares the s**t out of me to think of where he is and what he is doing :( Ok he's been in the army a lot of years and as a staff sergeant he knows what he's doing, but still my heart jumps every time I see something on the news. He only has 4 years left before he can retire with a full pension, and for something to happen to him now... all I can do is hope he makes it home in one piece I guess. Same as all the other families with loved ones out there.

Adults only please..............I'm afraid this next one is in bad taste ;)..but funny nether the less :)

Its a download so I hope you're not on a 56k connection...lol

http://www.rawjunk.com/?show_media=21

Late as ever :)

Sorry missed yesterday...so much to do, so little time..lol

Todays offering of strangeness..

**Note...for some strange reason he has changed his site(painfreak below)... Typical :(**

Some people really worry me..lol check this out... http://painlessfreak.blogspot.com/ What is the point as ask myself.. but it did make me laugh.. maybe I need more help than I first thought!! :/

Well if your feeling bored and a little brain dead how about this.. http://www.primarygames.com/holidays/christmas/games/mutanttrees/start.htm

Mutant crimbo trees..ROFL.. whatever next.. and I see that bloody elf from last year is back doing the rounds again..lol

Have fun!!

**Humbug**

In my sad attempt to not be such a grouch this year I have decided to do a little advent calendar..lol I know its a bit late to start but better late than never :)

On offering of net rubbish wil be served up here daily of whatever junk I can find out there.

Today's offering... webcams :)

http://www.webcamsearch.com/links/cgi-bin/frames.pl?id=12527

Santa in his groto in lapland..or did I read it wrong..lol

http://www.webcamsearch.com/links/cgi-bin/frames.pl?id=12531

Tree cam..lol this says it all and the music is just so bloody anoying...LOL

Have fun people :)

"Crimbo"

Well its that time of year again folks..Eat too much..spend too much..then spend next year trying to pay back for this year :/ Getting stuffed too much in more ways than one ;)

The usual Pig arrived im my utility :( in bits mind you. .that does help. .and it was dead too, also a help when you're trying to cut it up and bag it :P So its been a mad chopping , packing and trying to rehome all its porky portions :) We must be mad. .we do it every year :/ I still got about 7 chunks of last years big mamma in the freezer. Oh well..
I was a little miffed when I came into the office to find 2 eyeballs 1 ear and a snout staring up at me :(... What my husband thinks is a joke. .I'm not so sure myself . .its was offal..lol

I'm currently sporting a rather attractive brace people :/ In a momant of madness I decided to have something done about my top teath. They have bugged me for years, all crooked and the fang that sticks out of the side. I looked like a half cocked vampire, not an attractive look at all :( So its ...talking complete rubbish and no one understands a word I say ...time. And my mouth hurts so much I haven't even got the strength to shout at the kids!. .lol And when I do they just laugh at me and make nasty comments about "how they could'nt understand a word I just spluttered"..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr So i'm keeping a low profile for a while. Just while I learn to speak again. The dentist assures me it will only take about 12 months..lol

Its nearly time for a blog re vamp me thinks :) and I have just the graphic in mind, if only I could remmember how to use my paint shop pro. .lol Its the brace. .the super fang must be attached to my brain and I'm currently picking up radio 2 with great ease, sadly this is having a mind numbing effect on my brain and leaving me with periods of lost memory, and I keep dropping off to sleep without any notice.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Damn that Steve Right!!

Enough for now.....
Note for the day!!
Be carefull what pet you choose!!.. as its well known we grow to look like them in the end!
If you scroll below you can see mine...so that wil give you a great idea of what I look like ;) the dog is a great give away :P

***BLANK***

Sorry couldn't think of a title :)
what's been going on bro?........ erm duno really too damn busy to draw breath I guess. What with B & Q proving to be a pain in the butt with my multi coloured bathroom. LOL oh yes finally got all the bits..takes of wrapping to fit them and they are different shades...ggggggggrrrrrr. I give in. So I know have a bath fitted (looks good)...we had to put the old sink back in as the other would take another 28 days... but sadly the new fittings wouldn't reach the old sink...so I have a sink with no water :/ my god!! oh yes and lets not get into the loo saga..we could be here all night :(

With the new office/workroom space I decided to get stuck in with the chess sets again. Sadly it seems every tom dick and talentless harry has decided to have a go too, so e.bay is now awash with hand made (but I must say naff!!) chess sets. So I have had to pick up my game so to speak. I have built a new website with hosting this time so no adds!! made new templates for my auctions and employed every underhanded tactic in the book to get ahead. Well hey what is a girl to do when the going gets tough!!..

Fish............ erm yes I got lots of them :P.. I now have 4 tanks..ROFL and my fish are breeding like mad, about 100 babies so far..lol oh yes and the apple snails are rampant too!! but they take forever to hatch :( fingers crossed I get lots of babies from the many clusters of eggs they have laid.

Husband........ still playing golf!! enough said on that subject!!. He was stood on the toilet seat the other day, tiling the wall behind it when I heard a sudden crash.. I just left him too it cos he gets real grumpy if you try and help. Anyhow 20 mins later he hobbles down the stairs looking dazed and unhapppy...shame I thought..(not!!) turns out he fell through the old toilet seat straight into the loo..ROFL.. but he managed to get a huge pieces of plastic from the seat tuck in the sole of his foot..OUCHHHHHHHHH. nasty gash too..and blood all over the bathroom. serves him right. I told him to use the step stool..but he never listens to me :/

part 2 when I can get my butt in gear :P

I just had to post this..ROFL....

Your Boobies' Names Are: Beavis and Butthead

Get'>http://www.blogthings.com/boobiename.html">Get your own Boobie Names

Well its been totally mad here..lots of builders butts... ginger electricians leaving my freezer turned off..grrrrrrrr... plumbers..gas fitters... need I go on. But yes folks we finally got it all sorted... Garage converted..daughter moved in!!!..that gets the noisy trout out of the way and maybe now we can all get some sleep. Her old room re vamped and decorated for William.. who is way chuffed with all the space.. and he can finally have his mates round to play on his X.Box..YAY.. its not talking room and the TV in the living room!!!.. Dining room back to what its meant to be.. so we can now eat food in comfort!!!.. Hey Men to that folks.. and yes...the most important of all I got my OFFICE/CHESS WORKROOM :).. I can shut the door and hide away..its fab!!.. also got a new PC to go with it.. I'm in heaven :).. Oh yes and the new 5' x 2' x 18" tank that has taken over the living room.. ROFL... Ok maybe I have a problem with visualizing size of objects..LOL Bought it of E.bay for bargain price.. Took 3 Strong guys to lift the bloody thing!! Its now full of fish/weed/wood and looks bloody fab!! :) Pics to follow

All I have to do now is swap the PC for the new one.. set these one up in sons new room and set up a new home network!!.. Then its all done....well almost..they have to come back to do the bathroom. Slight problem with that though.. seems B & Q don't think that a toilet is part of a bathroom suite..lol "Oh sorry madame you seem to be missing your pan".. "Really delivery man!!.. you don't say" "And what am I to do with no loo please tell me?"... "erm duno about that"... god the guy was thick and he had ginger hair too.. I'm beginning to have a problem with guys with ginger hair..GGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR I think there should be screening so non of them ever make it past the Fallopian tube!!

Daughter returned to school..lol really.. can't believe it myself.. well it was either that or get a job!!!.. she thought school was the easy option. She did pass her ICT course last year, despite never going to any lessons..lol The school refused to let her back at first.. but after a few phone calls she got in. Shes doing psychology Performing arts and textiles..lol God help the world when she's gets out there for real is all I can say!

After 12 years of doing the school run I find myself redundant :). William has started walking too and from school on his own..bless him :P Its kind of sad though... my baby's are all grown up :/ it makes me feel like I have wished away their lives so I can have mine back. And the bloody anxiety ribbed me of 4 years too. But I still feel really lucky.. most people never get over it. and her is me living life like it never happened :) I just wish I could take hold of people who suffer and help them in some way to see it the way I see it..then the penny would drop as it did with me. If the truth be known I'd heal the world if I could.. one life sacrifice for a better future for the human race .. It would be worth it!!!

I never really went into what the clairvoyant said to me did I?.. I#ll leave that for another day :P

Have a good one and love the ones closest to you, cos you never know when they will be gone :/ nite nite